Idora Qatrunnada

When I start asking around and start comparing, the weaker I feel about myself. No matter how hard I push myself towards something, if it's just over my limit, I would always received lower than my own expectation. I know it doesn't only happen to me. Some people feel way much better than what I'm feeling now. But everytime I feel this down, I would tell myself that there are people who are less fortunate than I am. I drilled the thought in my mind since the downturn incident that happened to me where By told me to stop comparing myself with people who are at the above. But compare myself with those who are at the bottom. And then he told me how fortunate I am for actually standing right there in the middle, while wiping my tears. It's really mean something to me.

It's true the dumb feeling is still conquering over my mind right now, but I will never stop fighting. And I hope this entry is somewhat helpful for those who are actually standing at the same height with me. Just give your best, because Allah knows best.

Ibu always said
"He let you down because He loves you. Because the more you feel down, the more you will remember Him. And the more you praise Him."
I know some contradiction might exist with this sentence, but just look at it, how sincere are you for saying "Alhamdulillah" toward Allah everytime you get a good reward, a good moment or a good luck? You might just say it for the sake of being humble. And now compare your sincerity for repeating "Allahhuakhbar" in every misfortune that He was actually testing you.

And Ibu also said
"Whenever you are in trouble, don't let yourself control your actions, don't let yourself to decide the solutions, don't lean on yourself, but lean on Allah. Because you don't worship yourself, you worship Allah."

Whenever I say about a more religious thing, it's not that I want to hide my evil self. I speak for what I believe. And I am just still a normal human being who does sin and mistakes.

I know for all the sins that I did, things that are clear in every pious man/woman eyes can see. But I don't care because I don't turn to you whenever I feel down, I turn to Him and the Al Quran.