Be Strong!

Telling people that you gonna do something excellently, which you know where you're standing, where you know the low possibility of getting it, which only miracle could fulfill your sweet dreams, its like completely lying to yourself. Every after you open your eyes in the morning, look and think of positive things that gonna happen, until the eyes are closed in the late of night. But me, vice versa. DUMMY! People rarely look the good things that ever happened in their life when they are on the downturn of wheel. If they do, they would just lie to themselves instead. Yet, out all of the wishes that I've  made, out all of the goals that I've targeted, out all of the prayers that I've asked from Him, they bring myself to be here.

 I remember how scared I was until I fell sick the day before UPSR, where people convinced me thaaaaaat was just because of my panickiness. I remember the rival between me and my batch mates of getting to the top in high school, form 1 to form 3, and I was always the one. Until I faced the stage where I was out of the top 5, I fell sick for two weeks long. But after all hard works I put on, they were well worth the effort. But I remember how awful I felt on the day of ceremony, without Izzaura who used to be my close friend, and my competitor receiving the awards together. And then I was offered to this boarding school, I was glad but not grateful because I aimed for other schools. I've been through a lot here. I remember there was one day after my teacher returned our Physics test and I got lower than I expected. And then my Modern Math (obviously this subject gave a big impact on me), I hid myself at the hostel, crying all alone, took my Quran and recited Yassin over and over again. I remember  the  distressing state that I faced when I was out of top 20 in form 5. I also remember when I got to know this one guy, pushed myself to love him back indeed. Until it ended gravely. So much pain I carried.

After writing these all, these remind me of how much failures that I need to face, before getting straight A's in PMR, straight A's in SPM and been offered to this incredible university, which guiding me to a better university. I failed so many times, but I wake up smoothly, with grave and sorrow, with tears and trauma. Yet, I deserved for what I've put on. Whatever I achieved, wouldn't be as perfect as I shoot for. But still, I obtained the bestest that I deserve. And I'm still getting them. And I will.