I'll live as my own self

"Like A Star"

Just like a star across my sky,

Just like an angel off the page,

You have appeared to my life,

Feel like I'll never be the same,

Just like a song in my heart,

Just like oil on my hands,

Honour to love you

Still I wonder why it is,

I don't argue like this,

With anyone but you,

We do it all the time,

Blowing out my mind,

You've got this look I can't describe,

You make me feel like I'm alive,

When everything else is au fait,

Without a doubt you're on my side,

Heaven has been away too long,

Can't find the words to write this song,

Oh...

Your love,

Still I wonder why it is,

I don't argue like this,

With anyone but you,

We do it all the time,

Blowing out my mind,

Now I have come to understand,

The way it is,

It's not a secret anymore,

'cause we've been through that before,

From tonight I know that you're the only one,

I've been confused and in the dark,

Now I understand,

I wonder why it is,

I don't argue like this,

With anyone but you,

I wonder why it is,

I wont let my guard down,

For anyone but you

We do it all the time,

Blowing out my mind,

Just like a star across my sky,

Just like an angel off the page,

You have appeared to my life,

Feel like I'll never be the same,

Just like a song in my heart,

Just like oil on my hands 

I know I can. What's the best will always be the one. Craps, please get the hell out of my head. I asked from Him, because He always knows the best. Ya Allah, I just want to be strong for every single test that I face, in every aspect that's happening, happened and gonna happen in my life. I need the strength from you. I'll work on it, but I need You by my side, because You're the only who could comfort me whenever I'm down. Even though I have to lie to myself cause I know that I do not deserve it. Hurm kenape ni Idora? I want your old self. I need your old self. It's just so messy and I couldn't handle it. I just need an empty mind, but screwed it with Finals and everything.

It's just the downturn of everything, buck up! Because you're not a lame girl.

Need, and then Love.

 I wish she can stop crying.

But its too painful

Couldn’t she stop releasing it through tears?

  What will be the best?

Nothing when everything becomes worthless.

Need it that’s why you love it. Not love it, and then later you need it.

I don't know how to start my expression at the moment. With a decent question, with lots of stress of accounting test, horizontally challenged, pimples and everything, and ____________ some more, how hateful would that be to you? Am I that bad? Owh please. I just need some space for my own self. To think and to do which would be right things for me but aren't for others. Don't make me feel as if I'm worthless because apparently I'm not.If given a chance for me, I'll grab it with all heart. So that would be fair isn't it? I'M NOT THAT BAD!

Handbags..

 Thinking of buying new handbag, online for the first time in my life. 

Add caption

Wasting time

Okay I'm not studying. Yeah I'm blogging. It's been a week rase tak study and I spent too much time with him this week. Well I guess so. Hurm I have no idea why I felt sooo "missing him" this week and that! urged me to leave my books and grab him instead..Arghhh... The more fight the better so there's a space to not to be with each other for awhile, well at least. Urhhh..Stop craping. No I said stop. Stop I said. Don't you get me? Heyy...heyyyy heyyy heyyyy... Damn it. Stubborn.

Hurm while wasting time...

Which one nicer? Please tell me...Hurmmmmm

Just the way I am?

Frankly speaking, his character is somewhat sweet but not a sweet talker. Its better to say cool to have this kinda guy as a boyfriend. Yet, what a lame if she's begging for sweet talks. Owh crap. Anyhow,,,,thanks again for.......

Oh her eyes, her eyes

Make the stars look like they're not shining

Her hair, her hair

Falls perfectly without her trying

She's so beautiful

And I tell her every day

Yeah I know, I know

When I compliment her

She wont believe me

And its so, its so

Sad to think she don't see what I see

But every time she asks me do I look okay

I say

When I see your face

There's not a thing that I would change

Cause you're amazing

Just the way you are

And when you smile,

The whole world stops and stares for awhile

Cause girl you're amazing

Just the way you are

Her nails, her nails

I could kiss them all day if she'd let me

Her laugh, her laugh

She hates but I think its so sexy

She's so beautiful

And I tell her every day

Oh you know, you know, you know

Id never ask you to change

If perfect is what you're searching for

Then just stay the same

So don't even bother asking

If you look okay

You know I say

When I see your face

There's not a thing that I would change

Cause you're amazing

Just the way you are

And when you smile,

The whole world stops and stares for awhile

Cause girl you're amazing

Just the way you are

From my Love

Besides my family and friends, you will always be the one to support me. That's why I chose you. And still. Thanks Syafeeq Asyraf for dedicating this song to me. I know its like singing my own song for my own self, but its working in opening my eyes and my mind.

Today My Life Begins 

i've been working hard so long

seems like pain has been my only friend

my fragile heart's been done so wrong

i wondered if i'd ever heal again

ohh just like all the seasons never stay the same

all around me i can feel a change (ohh)

i will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me

leave the past behind me, today my life begins

a whole new world is waiting it's mine for the taking

i know i can make it, today my life begins

yesterday has come and gone

and i've learn how to leave it where it is

and i see that i was wrong

for ever doubting i could win

ohh just like all the seasons never stay the same

all around me i can feel a change (ohh)

i will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me

leave the past behind me, today my life begins

a whole new world is waiting it's mine for the taking

i know i can make it, today my life begins

life's to short to have regrets

so i'm learning now to leave it in the past and try to forget

only have one life to live

so you better make the best of it

I Love You

ADP Day

12/11/12 was recognized as "ADP day" which was organized by student council. A day where the whole ADP students, lecturers, staffs, and the Dean need to wear ADP T-shirt, either black or white. Yeah this was the one that me and Lee Ying mastermind for the ADP T-shirt designing contest and the winner was Jonathan.

The sales was really good after so many obstacles that we faced, and with all back up plans and marketing strategy that came out to overcome the problems.

Its totally worthless for now. I just wanna feel appreciated with respect and concern.
I neglected my studies these few days. So.....please....

Perfect week please

I just want a "seven perfect days" in a row. Why is that so hard?

I feel like screaming out loud!

Stupid Heels

Daripada reluctant nak keluar, it ended up badly jusssst because of my stupid high heels..I hate this situation..I hate it soooooooooooo much!!!!!!!!

Anyhow, its hurting my feet. And stilllll...So please do understand okay.

Doa Ketika Dukacita dan Sedih

Murah rezeki, Tenang fikiran, Tenteram Jiwa

Insya Allah. Amin..

Soothing ways

It might be the another tough moment that I need to face in my life. Like Ibu said, its only a minor trouble . I'm glad because I still turn to Him, to the only Holy Quran, picked my sejadah, Hajat prayers, zikir, and the most, Yassin. I claim them as one of my achievements. The success of choosing soothing ways. I'm just so glad as I don't choose those "catchy" ways in comforting myself. Taking drugs, smoke, clubin, and etc. Insya Allah dijauhkan.

There was one time I went to see my tuition teacher, Mr Rai. Asked for personal advice and he said....
"Why are you so afraid with your result now? What important is your result later. And by the time, you will not remember these minor failures that you're facing now."

Tell me how...

How to overcome depression? Just chill. And tell me how to chill?. I mean like really chill. Perfectly!
By playing Bejeweled Blitz and letting Winamp on, is such a temporary way.

Secrets

Onerepublic - Secrets

I need another story
Something to get off my chest
My life gets kinda boring
Need something that I can confess
'Til all my sleeves are stained red

From all the truth that I've said
Come by it honestly I swear
Thought you saw wink, no
I've been on the brink, so

Tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
Sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away

This time, don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics never jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away

My God, amazing how we got this far
It's like we're chasing all those stars
Who's driving shiny big black cars
And everyday I see the news
All the problems that we could solve

And when a situation rises
Just write it into an album
Singing straight, too cold
I don't really like my flow, no, so

Oh, got no reason, got not shame
Got no family I can blame
Just don't let me disappear
I'ma tell you everything

This time, don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics never jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away
All my secrets away, all my secrets away

Didn't you notice that my blog sounds a bit of passionate expression of grief and sorrow lately? And I have no idea how does this song relate to my feelings right now. Blogging or writing about sad things, doesn't mean I never been through a life full of laughter. My life isn't that boring as described in this song. But entah la.  I just wanna get to know to some creatures, who knows zero thing about me. So perhaps I could show the other side of me. Getting to know people a bit here and there isn't that risky rather than having close girlfriends, or BFF like what they "verbalize" nowadays. You can share things about you this and that, about anything which depends what kinda interest that they prefer to chat about. Damn it! I'm not growing up for writing these all. Arghhhhh..I wish my lappy could be responsive and sensitive.

Be Strong!

Telling people that you gonna do something excellently, which you know where you're standing, where you know the low possibility of getting it, which only miracle could fulfill your sweet dreams, its like completely lying to yourself. Every after you open your eyes in the morning, look and think of positive things that gonna happen, until the eyes are closed in the late of night. But me, vice versa. DUMMY! People rarely look the good things that ever happened in their life when they are on the downturn of wheel. If they do, they would just lie to themselves instead. Yet, out all of the wishes that I've  made, out all of the goals that I've targeted, out all of the prayers that I've asked from Him, they bring myself to be here.

 I remember how scared I was until I fell sick the day before UPSR, where people convinced me thaaaaaat was just because of my panickiness. I remember the rival between me and my batch mates of getting to the top in high school, form 1 to form 3, and I was always the one. Until I faced the stage where I was out of the top 5, I fell sick for two weeks long. But after all hard works I put on, they were well worth the effort. But I remember how awful I felt on the day of ceremony, without Izzaura who used to be my close friend, and my competitor receiving the awards together. And then I was offered to this boarding school, I was glad but not grateful because I aimed for other schools. I've been through a lot here. I remember there was one day after my teacher returned our Physics test and I got lower than I expected. And then my Modern Math (obviously this subject gave a big impact on me), I hid myself at the hostel, crying all alone, took my Quran and recited Yassin over and over again. I remember  the  distressing state that I faced when I was out of top 20 in form 5. I also remember when I got to know this one guy, pushed myself to love him back indeed. Until it ended gravely. So much pain I carried.

After writing these all, these remind me of how much failures that I need to face, before getting straight A's in PMR, straight A's in SPM and been offered to this incredible university, which guiding me to a better university. I failed so many times, but I wake up smoothly, with grave and sorrow, with tears and trauma. Yet, I deserved for what I've put on. Whatever I achieved, wouldn't be as perfect as I shoot for. But still, I obtained the bestest that I deserve. And I'm still getting them. And I will.

I wish but I know

I feel empty.

I wish I can get rid of this.

I wish I can be someone else.

I wish I surrounded with other people.

I wish I have the good abilities that some people have.

I wish I'm blind, thus I can't see the negative sides of me.

Yea I'm totally blind, so thats why I'm afraid of changing myself.

I wish I can change myself. 

I wish I can deal things maturely, coolly, calmly, and with "brain".

I wish I can be myself, but only the adorable side of me.

I wish I couldn't let people to see my weaknesses. But my capabilities, success, and strategy of handling problems indeed.

I wish I wouldn't be able to complain about everything, but just look forward and follow the flow.

I wish I'm not muttering about myself in my blog, right now.

I feel bad.

I don't know how pretty my life is.

But I think its pretty beautiful to me.

I don't know why am I so weak of facing failures, and troubles.

But I know how much effort I put on it.

I don't know how much tears have I released.

But I know how painful the caused would be.

I don't how much someone could adore me.
But I know who deserved the best.
Whether me, or them

I don't know what's the best thing that, my family, him, my friends and people around me could see in me.
But I know the only thing that best about me, is only me. Me myself and I.

That would be the secret between me, and Him.

I don't know where would I stand in the future.

That's the only thing that I don't know.

Its only Him who knows.

What I need to do, go forward, don't look back!

Don't neglect the only Him, the one who assigned me to be here, to continue my way until the the end of my life. Hereafter.

The impact of carelessness

I'm revealing about being an awful girlfriend. Its like behind the scene movie making.
I have noooo idea what is wrong with my head, well specifically, my brain.
Its quite  functioning in term of stressing up itself but for being a dreadful one, jussst at the wrong time and at the wrong place. Its not just once, simply after so many times already.

I feel bad. And that is horrifying for having  this kinda disease. I wish there is a medicine to cure my problem but the thing is, It can only be cured with the vaccine in me. Which I found it so hard for me to look for it. There's a feeling that I think I know, no matter how precious the property is to me,there's nothing else that can be replaced, other than,,,,,,,,,him. It happened the moment I lost my everything, remember the purse, watch and cellphone tingy?

You know what I did? I dislike his ALDO watch because of certain circumstances (not gonna reveal here). I forgot to bring my watch this morning and I really need a watch while doing my test, which was Chemistry. I borrowed his and dumped it in my pencil case. I put my eraser, pencil lid and calculator on the desk before the exam, and then his watch. That was an hour exam, and with my usual clumsiness during exams, the watch accidentally fell down. With my usual dumbness, I left it there and continue doing my test. I totally forgot to take back the watch .

TOEFL result was haunting me all the way, the lost of the watch was scaring me indeed. So i decided to just text Wawe and ask her to look for the watch since she was still at the main campus and I was in the accounting class.

He was mad at me for not telling him in the first place. Okay let me explain. I was about to tell you once Wawe said she found it. But unluckily, it happened so fast. I was crying like hell in the car, begging for your forgiveness by taking me out. Finally we did it. I really hope its worth it. I am really truly sorry. I really am. I know you love that watch so much. Even I myself feel awkward seeing you without wearing the watch.