Alhamdulillah syukur...

Alhamdulillah its worth the effort.

Remember the battle with depression that I kept posting in my blog which caused me to undervalue myself? And remember how reluctant I was to mention what the hell was that all about? Because I was ashamed of my failures. And I hate to face failures. Nevertheless, I didn't give up, No I didn't.
And how did I overcome it? After I cried my heart out loud, with all poor things that had happened, I prayed to Him every after my Solat, and even Nazar 5days in case I pass this test. Okay2. I like that curiosity. It was my TOEFL. Yeah I didn't pass for the first attempt but I finally did it in my second. And amazingly that was higher than I expected. Okay,the embarrassment is just over the courageous to view my first attempt score, but for the second chance does give a big smile to me.

Test	Test Date	Reading	Listening	Speaking	Writing	Total
TELXML	January 8, 2011	21	24	19	24	88

Yeah I know it's not as good as some other people result. Nothing much to compare to some of my friends who scored higher, like 100 and above. But whatever it is, I'm just so grateful and I will fulfill my Nazar which is fasting for 5 days. Just for those who don't know, it is over 30 for each section so total up 120 for all 4 tests. But too bad my speaking is only 19 but I never aimed higher because this section was suck. It's not that I couldn't speak well during the exam, but I couldn't get the points of the conversation in the listening passage. Okay tak kesah pon.

Anyways people, I believe that it wasn't because I couldn't do it in my first attempt, It was just I didn't do my best and I kept saying that I would fail this exam. I kept saying the negative thoughts that playing in my mind, and even from the moment Miss Lela announced the TOEFL date, I responded that I wouldn't make it. And even during the exam I kept saying that I'm gonna repeat this exam. Not until that, I kept repeating that I'm gonna repeat this test right after finished it on that day, over and over again. And until the score was out, haaahhh ambik kau. Meraungg sepuas hati.

But before the second attempt, I learnt to calm myself, thought of positive things and avoid the negative thought cells from spreading all over my brain. And yeah I did it. And to all students out there, this should be a lesson for you. Avoid thinking of negative results but positive outcomes instead as the result comes out as what you thought in the first place.

View Scores

This is the comment.

Reading  Skills	Level	Your Performance
Reading	Intermediate(15-21)	Test takers who receive a score at the INTERMEDIATElevel, as you did, typically understand academic texts in English that require a wide range of reading abilities, although their understanding of certain parts of the texts is limited. Test takers who receive a score at the INTERMEDIATElevel typically have a good command of common academic vocabulary but still have some difficulty with high-level vocabulary; have a very good understanding of grammatical structure; can understand and connect information, make appropriate inferences, and synthesize information in a range of texts but have more difficulty when the vocabulary is high level and the text is conceptually dense; can recognize the expository organization of a text and the role that specific information serves within a larger text but have some difficulty when these are not explicit or easy to infer from the text; and can abstract major ideas from a text but have more difficulty doing so when the text is conceptually dense.
Listening  Skills	Level	Your Performance
Listening	High(22-30)	Test takers who receive a score at the HIGH level, as you did, typically understand conversations and lectures in English that present a wide range of listening demands. These demands can include difficult vocabulary (uncommon terms, or colloquial or figurative language), complex grammatical structures, abstract or complex ideas, and/or making sense of unexpected or seemingly contradictory information. When listening to lectures and conversations like these, test takers at the HIGH level typically can understand main ideas and important details, whether they are stated or implied; distinguish more important ideas from less important ones; understand how information is being used (for example, to provide evidence for a claim or describe a step in a complex process); recognize how pieces of information are connected (for example, in a cause-and-effect relationship); understand many different ways that speakers use language for purposes other than to give information (for example, to emphasize a point, express agreement or disagreement, or convey intentions indirectly); and synthesize information, even when it is not presented in sequence, and make correct inferences on the basis of that information.
Speaking  Skills	Level	Your Performance
Speaking about familiar topics	Fair(2.5 - 3.0)	Your responses indicate you are able to speak in English about your personal experiences and opinions in a mostly clear and coherent manner. Your speech is mostly clear with only occasional errors. Grammar and vocabulary are somewhat limited and include some errors. At times, the limitations prevent you from elaborating fully on your ideas, but they do not seriously interfere with overall communication.
Speaking about campus situations	Fair(2.5 - 3.0)	Your responses demonstrate an ability to speak in English about reading material and experiences typically encountered by university students. You are able to convey relevant information about conversations, newspaper articles, and campus bulletins; however, some details are missing or inaccurate. Limitations of grammar, vocabulary, and pronunciation at times cause difficulty for the listener. However, they do not seriously interfere with overall communication.
Speaking about academic course content	Fair(2.5 - 3.0)	Your responses demonstrate that you are able to speak in English about academic reading and lecture material, with only minor communication problems. For the most part, your speech is clear and easy to understand. However, some problems with pronunciation and intonation may occasionally cause difficulty for the listener. Your use of grammar and vocabulary is adequate to talk about the topics, but some ideas are not fully developed or are inaccurate.
Writing  Skills	Level	Your Performance
Writing based on reading and listening	Good(4.0 - 5.0)	You responded well to the task, relating the lecture to the reading. Weaknesses, if you have any, might have to do with slight imprecision in your summary of some of the main points and/or use of English that is occasionally ungrammatical or unclear.
Writing based on knowledge and experience	Good(4.0 - 5.0)	You responded with a well-organized and developed essay. Weaknesses, if you have any, might have to do with use of English that is occasionally ungrammatical, unclear, or unidiomatic and/or elaboration of ideas or connection of ideas that could have been stronger.

This is the secret recipe but I didn't use the book at all. Use the CD because it is so helpful as the formats are more likely the actual test.